Welcome to my heart…

April 16th, 2008 at 9:15 pm (travel)

 

   

(”love comes from the most unexpected places…”, by woolloomooloo.)

Traveling allowed me let go of a bunch of life stuff that clutters my brain: the constant surge of information through the internets, the competing needs of friend, families, colleagues, communities, the apparent obligations of being a late 20-something in San Francisco, the special brand of multi-faceted-supremely-balanced-circus-act of compromise needed in these social circles, and the ego that is wrapped up in all of it. Somehow I got on a plane sans laptop and as time passed, it just disappeared. I experienced what suspiciously felt like freedom. Freedom from a certain type of limits, and tethers, and boundaries. And it’s hard to come back to limits, after you’ve felt that freedom.

I wonder how to find clarity and simplicity in the United States, in San Francisco, in False Profit, in my relationships and in work and in school. While I don’t think most people would admit it, in this city we value a combination of over-extension, multi-tasking, efficiency, grandiosity, creativity, and individuality that simultaneously makes us all a bit mad. I’m no longer fond of it, and wonder just how much I need to change of my habits to move away from it. I wonder if other things (nebulous Things, what are you?) need to change as well. I’m uncertain.

Yes, uncertainty! And humility! Welcome to the guesthouse of my heart!

3 Comments

  1. benchun said,

    April 17, 2008 at 1:31 am

    I’m not sure if it’s “value” or “get caught up in” but I agree… it can be crazy-making. I don’t think we come to cities for clarity or simplicity. I think we come for the complexity and possibilities. But when the inevitable frictions arise from these interactions, I think that is where we risk developing constraints. Also, it’s just hard to be so busy and overstimulated. I’m not sure if it’s possible to be here and not get caught up in it from time to time. Hopefully there’s a way that it can be enjoyable and be in balance — or at least be balanced out.

  2. sarah said,

    April 17, 2008 at 11:49 am

    google reader just offered your blog to me as suggested reading and, not really wanting to get back to work, i wandered your way. i wonder if actually we might have some overlapping friends–do you know orange? she and i camped together at disorient in 2005.

    odd.

    anyway, sounds like your external journeys are turning internal. good luck!

    ps: if you are still looking for a history of Time, I recommend E.P. Thomspon’s. I haven’t read it in years, and maybe it’s overt marxism would bother me know. But even so, i love reading things by people who mean what they say….

    http://libcom.org/library/time-work-discipline-industrial-capitalism-e-p-thompson

  3. mary said,

    April 18, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    yes! sarah, i do know orange. and thanks for the book rec…i’ll put it on my list.

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