Welcome to my heart…
April 16th, 2008 at 9:15 pm (travel)
Traveling allowed me let go of a bunch of life stuff that clutters my brain: the constant surge of information through the internets, the competing needs of friend, families, colleagues, communities, the apparent obligations of being a late 20-something in San Francisco, the special brand of multi-faceted-supremely-balanced-circus-act of compromise needed in these social circles, and the ego that is wrapped up in all of it. Somehow I got on a plane sans laptop and as time passed, it just disappeared. I experienced what suspiciously felt like freedom. Freedom from a certain type of limits, and tethers, and boundaries. And it’s hard to come back to limits, after you’ve felt that freedom.
I wonder how to find clarity and simplicity in the United States, in San Francisco, in False Profit, in my relationships and in work and in school. While I don’t think most people would admit it, in this city we value a combination of over-extension, multi-tasking, efficiency, grandiosity, creativity, and individuality that simultaneously makes us all a bit mad. I’m no longer fond of it, and wonder just how much I need to change of my habits to move away from it. I wonder if other things (nebulous Things, what are you?) need to change as well. I’m uncertain.
Yes, uncertainty! And humility! Welcome to the guesthouse of my heart!